I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
