Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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