i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
