Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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