if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
