No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
