Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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