No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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