Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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