Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
