if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
