ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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