Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
