I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
