Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
