So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You ate ashes out of my bong
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
