It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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