I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
