Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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