It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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