Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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