Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
