1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
