i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
3 2 1 whiskey
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize