mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
