i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
