you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
