I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
