you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
