the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
