her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
