please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
