hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize