Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
