Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
