The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
