I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize