I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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