Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
