it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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