Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize