oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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