I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
