Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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