Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
