Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
