Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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