I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
