Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
