Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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