I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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