my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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