i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
