Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
