I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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