Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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