We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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