If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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