Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
