I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude i'm inner monologue high
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
