The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
