how can u be prego again
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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