i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
