I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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