i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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