and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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