And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I wish there were birth control emojis
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
