i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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