very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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