guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
