drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
