It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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