upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
