i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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