Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
