My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
