dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
