It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
