Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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