Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
