I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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