ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So gin and wine won't be happening again
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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